As a senior in high school, I was one of the only kids I knew who wasn’t jumping for joy at the prospect of leaving for college.  I had a great relationship with my parents, I was enjoying the luxuries of my own home, and in general, I liked how my life worked.  I was certain that college couldn’t possibly be a step-up, given how much freedom and how little responsibility I had as a senior.  To add to that, some of my friends who were already in college were having a terrible time.  They hadn’t found people that they enjoyed spending time with, they were struggling to keep up with classes, and they felt like their futures were bleak. 

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It seemed to me that all my happiness in college would depend upon whether or not I found all my good friends within the first month.  As a low-energy introvert, spending a full month doing as many activities as possible to meet as many people as I could seemed like a miserable prospect.  However, with some advice from friends and family, faith in myself, and a healthy dose of commitment to try scary new things, I was able to overcome my fears, make friends, and have more fun than I ever thought possible. Here are some tips for helping you with transitions, whether it be college, career, relationships, or anything else. 

Be okay with your decisions.

The first few weeks at college are overwhelming:  living in a totally new space, surrounded by people you’ve never met before, dealing with a packed schedule every day.  It can can be a lot to handle.  Usually, there are far more events offered every day than you can reasonably go to.  My best advice is to find a healthy balance between giving yourself enough me-time and making sure to try some new things every day.  If you aren’t a high-energy person, pick a few events that sound interesting to you, commit to attending them, and forgive yourself for not going to the others.  Don’t let fear of missing out get you down.  Remember, everyone else is worried that they’re missing out on something fun too.  Make the choices that are right for you, and remember that taking care of yourself is more important than getting out there and doing everything under the sun.  

Conversely, even if you’re not feeling up to it, do your best to make sure you do attend the events that you decide to go to.  Sure, it might be a strange, awkward time, but you won’t be the only one there who thinks so, and bonding over strange, awkward experiences is a great way to make friends!  Plus, that way you’ll have friends to go with next time there’s another weird event like that.  No matter what, don’t beat yourself up over your decisions.  What’s done is done, and we can all only move forward.

Play with your comfort zone.

Meeting new people can be scary and takes a lot of energy, so if you’re not a daredevil, find ways to put yourself out there that don’t require jumping off the deep end of your comfort zone.  One common college trick is a doorstop.  The simple act of leaving your door open invites your neighbors to stop by and say hi without having to venture outside the dorm, and you don’t even have to leave your room!  If you find that not many people stop by, try seeing if anyone else on your hall or in your dorm has their door propped open.  Stop by, introduce yourself, and for an extra first-impression bonus, bring snacks!  Be sure to check with your Resident Advisor (RA) to see if there are any severe food allergies on your floor before bringing food out and about, but once you get the all-clear, go for it!  Your new friends’ first impression of you will be as a generous, thoughtful person.  

If nobody seems to be leaving their doors open, try hanging out in the common rooms.  Invite your roommate to come along if you don’t want to be alone, or, if your roommate is busy (or if you live in a single), invite your neighbors!  Chances are, they’re just as nervous and uncomfortable as you are, so take a chance.  Plus, if they have other plans, you can ask to join them.  My closest friends were made this way, and having a good friend live right next door was a wonderful thing (especially when it got cold in winter and nobody wanted to go outside).

Stay true to yourself.

I’ve never been very interested in the party scene, or in the drug and alcohol culture that surrounds it.  Hearing so many stories about the rampant alcoholism that supposedly plagues every college and university across the country, I was worried that I would struggle to make friends if I refused to participate in the substance culture.  That turned out to be completely false.  Attending a small liberal arts school that isn’t known for hard partying helped, but even at state schools, there will always be a group of people that aren’t interested in drugs and alcohol.  If your friends are pressuring you into things you feel severely uncomfortable with, or things you aren’t willing to risk, stay true to yourself.  Follow your instincts.  If your first reaction is a hard ‘no,’ communicate that.  If your friends refuse to respect your boundaries, ask them frankly to respect your decision.  Should that fail too, it’s time to find a different group of friends.  

Remember that really good friends want to hang out with you because they genuinely like you, and if they genuinely like you, they’ll respect your boundaries.  It may seem like social suicide to leave your friend group and search for another one in your very first year of college, but keep in mind that you’ve already done this once.  With the semester getting into full swing, new outlets like clubs and activity groups will be available for you to use to find friends.  Keep your best interests in mind and make decisions that you can be proud of, and everything will turn out fine.

Good friends want to hang out with you because they genuinely like you, and if they genuinely like you, they’ll respect your boundaries.

Find balance.

With a new social life to manage, remembering to take care of yourself and keep up with classes can fall by the wayside.  Getting enough sleep, eating well, and being physically active are absolutely critical to having a good time in college.  The most common reason college kids don’t feel their best, in my experience, is because of lack of sleep, poor diet, and bad personal hygiene.  Sleep deprivation sets you up to have a hard time focusing in class, getting work done, and staying healthy.  It also correlates with an increase in incidences and severity of depression.  Pay close attention to your sleep schedule and prioritize it heavily. You’ll thank yourself later.  Feeling well is also critical to doing well in class. We all have to take classes that we don’t enjoy, and being sick, sleepy, or starving in a class that’s already boring or stressful only compounds the problem.  

Make sure you know your college or university’s tutoring, study buddy, and library resources—and remember to use them!  Most colleges and universities have many programs designed to offer support to students struggling with classes or study skills.  It’s also important to know the available counseling and student health resources.  Even if you don’t end up using them, you can recommend them to a friend if you think they might benefit from it.

At the end of the day, your college experience is what you make it.  No two people at the same college have the same experiences there, no matter how small the college is.  Keep your best interests in mind, make a flexible plan, and stick with it.  If you find yourself struggling, learn what resources and options are available to you, talk to your RA, and take steps to resolve the situation.  When you need a boost, give yourself one. When you need a break, give yourself one. Above all, believe in yourself; after all, the power to improve your life lies in your hands.

 

Katie Feuerstein is a sophomore at Oberlin College and an intern at bSmart.  She loves language, music, and people.

 

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