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'What’s up?'  No, I'm not referring to the song from the 90s band, 4 Non Blondes.  I’m referring to that occasional text you get from that seemingly, 'could be nice, possibly has potential' guy you’ve found yourself in a 'situationship' with. 

9.19 TW.2

One night stands in the traditional sense, I have not.  But I am familiar with the long term friends-with-benefits scenario where you prolong a relationship that you know will eventually fade to oblivion (FTO for short).  In reality, a situationshiop is a perpetual road of one-night stands with the same person. 

I showed up stag to a good friend’s wedding last year when the friend who was supposed to accompany me had to cancel last minute.  The reason still remains unclear, but let me not digress... 

Open bar.  Lowered inhibitions.  I ended up in the hotel bathroom taking 20 minutes worth of selfies to send to a then Los Angeles/Tinder fling.  As dancing ensued and the never-ending supply of libations flowed, the only single male at the wedding made his smooth moves on the dance floor towards my already-loosened self. 

Me:  'How did you learn to dance like that?'  

Him:  'I used to take ballet.'  

My reaction: major eye-roll. 

Next thing I know, we’re in a full on 'situationship.'

Hookup culture has not only hit the prime millennial generation in full force, but younger millennials are experiencing this too.  Totally predictable, his texts came in like clockwork:

'What are you doing right now?'

'Hey stranger, how have you been?' (insert smiley face here)

'Where are you right now?' (11:30 PM text on a Friday night)

'Are you sleeping?' (2:00 AM text)

'Let’s set up a lunch date sometime soon!' (This date never actually happened.  It was just another coy way to reel me in.) 

'Let’s do dinner sometime!' (Also never happened.  Yet another clever way to  gauge my  interest so he could continue looking like the good guy.)

'What It Is?'  (Total nonsense text. This actually happened, and he claims to be a high-level exec.)

And then you find yourself in a situation that you can’t quite figure out.  He’s definitely not your boyfriend, and you're not even remotely close to dating.  And cuddling?  Not even on the radar for your short evening together.  So why spend the night?  Probably because you've convinced yourself, and perhaps even him, that something could change.  That maybe, that secret light switch will go on and he'll see you as more than just another notch on his bedpost.  This almost never happens.  But as women, as nurturers, we see the potential, and sell ourselves on what could be, instead of what is.  Eventually it comes to a turning point and you realize this 'situationship' needs to either become romantic or end.  I can’t go on living in the God-forsaken gray zone, also known as purgatory, forever. 

Grey.Line.7 

As women, as nurturers, we see the potential, and sell ourselves on what could be, instead of what is.

Grey.Line.7

Eventually, the excitement of the late-night summons wears off and these meetings between the sheets start losing their face value.  The next step is the FTO - and so you start ignoring the next text, and the next one after that.  Let’s face it - a 'situationship' should be fun, and that’s all it really will be.  It’s a surface level interaction, which usually means there’s an expiration date.  With nothing else holding you together besides an occasional warm-body to sit next to mid-week or a sporadic weekend rendezvous - is it worth your time when this person couldn't even name five things about you (besides your first, middle and last name) after almost 10 months of kicking it with you? 

Respect the game.  Be honest with your intentions.  He may be a total gentleman in some situations, as your mutual friends keep saying.  But to you, he’s like a bad Yelp review that should never be revisited.

 

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