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Have you found your ‘what’ to your ‘why’?

Purpose is not the reason why we do things.  It shouldn’t be.

‘I’ll be happy and free when I finish all of this.’  Sound familiar?  Then new tasks keep popping up that add to the ‘all this’ pile.  And you?  You’re never happy, because you’re never free. 

Back in 2012, I’d just finished a very well-paid research contract with the University of Granada and was dragging myself back to an unpaid, yet career-boosting, research commitment with the Phonetics Lab of the Spanish Council for Research. 

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Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find any motivation to do the job, so I sought the help of a life coach.  I wanted to learn some techniques to keep me on track, and what I discovered changed my life.  My coach, Julia, asked me to jot down all the tasks I felt drained by.  ‘Next to each one,’ Julia said, ‘write why you’re doing it.’  These are some of the ‘why’s’ I wrote: ‘Because it’s good for my resume,’ ‘Because it’s what XZY expects,’ ‘Because I told XZY I’d do it.’  By completing this exercise, one theme became clear: what about what I wanted?

Julia asked me to consider what I was trying to accomplish by performing the tasks that drained me.  It made me question, in what way were the tasks I was trying so hard to finish going to help me get closer to my purpose?  What was my purpose?

I didn’t know.  Did I have one?  Did I need one?  After a lot of thinking, I found it.  I’d always wanted to be a writer, but I’d chosen academic writing because it seemed more palatable for my parents, friends, and PhD supervisor.  It also looked less scary to me.  Because, what if I failed as a writer?  What if I spent years writing a book and nobody bought it?  What if I couldn’t even write that book in the first place? 

It was time I found the answers, but first, I had to ask myself some tough questions.  

Does what you do help to achieve your purpose?

It takes a lot of discipline to be a writer, so I started running in order to gain more discipline.  In 12 weeks, I’d gone from needing to catch my breath after a two minute jog to running 6K in 30 minutes, three times a week, come rain or shine.   It wasn’t that I loved running; rather, it was that I had a purpose, a ‘why’ – becoming strong and disciplined to endure my life as a writer.  I’d clearly identified a ‘what’ that would help me get closer to it – running.  And I’d set up a schedule that I was able to follow no matter what. 

I had a plan.

Is the fear of obstacles keeping you from moving?

My New Jersey neighborhood is much hillier than Madrid.  The streets I run up and down along are steep, but I’ve learned not to fear the slopes.  I don’t think of them too far in advance.  I just run and solve situations as they come.  I keep my pace, adapt my stride, and keep going, with my eyes set no more than 20 feet ahead of me.  If I think of all the effort I need to get to the top of the hill, I’m tempted to avoid the steepest slopes by changing the route.  I may even come up with an excuse for taking my sneakers off.

Becoming a writer is difficult.  It takes discipline and a lot of practice.  You need thousands of hours of writing clumsy, forgettable pieces before you can call yourself a writer.  And once you’re there, being a writer is no piece of cake, either.  Obstacles will always get in your way.  You’ll run out of ideas, or your ideas will take you nowhere.  You’ll be abashed by a critique, or too uplifted by a praise.

These are just slopes.  Some of them are really steep, but don’t panic!  Keep your pace, adapt your stride and keep going. 

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Keep your pace, adapt your stride and keep going. 

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If today were the last day of your life, could you say it was worth it?

Because I’ll live today only once, I’ve decided that everything that I do I have to enjoy or use to achieve my purpose.  If the answer is no, it’s time for you to make some changes. 

Thanks to Julia’s help, and her advice to take the time to think through the answers to these questions, I’ve been able to understand ‘why’ I do the things I do.  And while not every task on my list is for me, I am moving at a much quicker pace now, and in the direction of my dreams.  

 

I'm a Spanish linguist, voice coach and writer who has come to New York to learn more about communication in the business world.  I’m a Graduate Student at New York University, in the program of Public Relations and Corporate Communications.  My passion is writing: words, stories, characters.  I’m also an adventurous cook, and I make my own bread – with my hands. Visit my blog Power at Speech

 

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