I feel that dynamics between men and women are often sexualized. It's to the point where people don't believe the two can ever be friends, without one longing for the other sexually or romantically. Indeed, when I mention my friend who's never expressed or pushed for sex or romance even in the smallest of ways, people believe he is gay or in denial.

There seems to be no space for a man and woman to be close in a platonic relationship based primarily on a mutual emotional connection and desire for companionship. People can’t fathom a man wanting to hang out with a woman without wanting to sleep with her. Movies like Harry Met Sally are often quoted as examples of why things can never be platonic between a man and a woman. Things must be romantic or sexual, otherwise why is he even wasting time on her? Reflecting on these beliefs and how they impact my own experience with men, I realize many people are not necessarily just sleaze balls trying to get off (though there are people like that), but they are acting out the script society has given us. Men must be eager for sex with any woman or they are emasculated; if a woman is not looking to have sex, she is held in a higher regard but still also considered a prude. If, say, a man and a woman had a close friendship, took vacations together, or even lived together, it is seen as allowed only in a romantic/sexual context, but not in a relationship based primarily on friendship.

It's far more frowned upon to be emotionally vulnerable among men than women.

In a world where expressing emotions is often seen as a sign of weakness and relationships are seen as means to an end (i.e. sex, security, etc.), it can be hard for people to be vulnerable and allow themselves to care for someone else. However, it's far more frowned upon to be emotionally vulnerable among men than women. It's almost to be expected even, that a man would be driven mainly by lust; ‘catching feelings’ for a woman is a sign of weakness, unmanly. I think this does a great disservice to men and women, as women often are taught men want only one thing. Meanwhile, men receive messages that they are to sexually conquer as many women as possible and express no emotion. It not only creates an environment where one sex views the other with suspicion, but where people follow social scripts that teach toxic mentalities to men and women that prevent both from connecting in ways beyond sex.

Nefertari Bilal is a Sophomore at Northwestern University, majoring in journalism with a minor in Creative Writing. She is in New York City as an editorial intern for bSmart Guide. To see her other writing, please go to https://voicesofcolorblog.wordpress.com/.