Sofia Rosa Bianchi

The proccess of dealing with toxic people begins with detoxifying yourself.  Although someone else may have been the person to 'intoxicate' you in the first place, you are still stuck with the negative energy that is already in your system.  Start by cleansing your system of negative thoughts.  The energy you are is the energy you attract.  But where do you find the energy to do this after somebody has been draining you of positive energy for so long?  How can you possibly just pick up and start creating new energy for yourself?

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Step One: Forgiveness

Step one is forgiveness.  It's the hardest step.  You have to forgive the people who wronged you.  You have to forgive the people who made you this way.  Yes, they did make you this way.  Recognize that, honor that.  But, you also have to begin honoring your new self, and the way to do that is to understand you’ve only been wronged because your ‘wrong-er’ has been wronged too.  It doesn’t matter why, how, or by whom.  Don’t try to relive the saga of how you, and they, arrived at this place.  Spare yourself the emotional trauma (it’s good for nothing, trust me.)  Just know that they have suffered, you have suffered, and it's come time for you to no longer endure the suffering.  It's time to start living.

Step Two: Stop judging people for who they are.

In order to seamlessly enter the patterns of your new life, try to break your habit of making judgments.  If you’ve been surrounded by a field of toxic people for most of your life, you will already be in a pattern of bitterness and judgement.  Chances are, you still feel resentment towards them, and it still keeps you up at night.  In this moment, stop judging people for who they are.  Remember that all people are a byproduct of who has raised them and who has manipulated their energy.  You don’t have to like people, but you don’t have to be affected by their negative energy either.  You can just smile and know that they have some work to do with finding themselves.  If you come across one who’s thrashing around their inky negative energy, then happily move on to the next person.  Keep your distance from negative people before they stain your white clothing of rebirth.

Step Three: But what if I have no choice but to be around Senorita Toxica?  

If you have no choice but to be around a toxic person, then try to build a wall of transparency.  Be a diplomat.  Be minimal with your responses and word choice, but don’t be too noticeable about it.  Try to be discreet.  In other words, be neutral.  Picture yourself as tans and whites and beiges when you are around them.  You can then expose the most positive assets of your personality, or your metaphorical ‘pops of color’, around the people you truly love and those who reciprocate your love.  If you have a quick mouth, use it to be witty to your dearest friends, not wisely destructive to your emotionally-fragile enemies.

Step Four: But what about Love-Hates?

Love-hates are what most toxic relationships are made of.  Remember, a real love relationship involves people who will love you for all choices you make, not just some of them.  They will have your best interests at heart and give you the freedom you require to explore and to feel relaxed as you explore.  You will never feel like you have anything you can not tell them; you will never feel like you need to take cover from being around them.  Understand that.

The energy you are is the energy you attract.

If you're bothered by the idea of living your life at the cost of burning bridges with somebody whom you are 'supposed to' love by default (for instance a family member), but who has wronged you multiple times out of their own ignorance, then lead by example.  Show them better ways to do things instead of tearing them apart.  Be excited about your latest revelations, and don’t allow yourself to be bothered by the sting of their apathy.  Don’t feel upset when Senorita Toxica does not reciprocate with the same enthusiasm to your ideas, or if he or she tries to tear your ideas down while they are still in incubation.  Remember your wrong-er has yet to be cleansed of toxicity themselves.  Also, remember that it isn’t your job to do so; it’s theirs.  Continue to be neutral, continue to keep a healthy distance; continue to seek out more positive people to populate your life with, ones who believe in your ideas and philosophies.  Build a new world and a new life, and enjoy the freedom of being able to decorate it and re-decorate however, and whenever, you like.

 

Sofia Bianchi is currently a student Fordham University and a fresh alum of the School of American Ballet, the premiere training grounds for young dancers in America. She is the creative coordinator of the ballet curriculum at the Middletown Arts Center in Middletown, New Jersey, where she teaches ballet to young students. Sofia is currently exploring different facets of her creativity and hopes to become successful as a publisher, editor, or novelist. 

 

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