The following post regards suicide. Reader discretion is advised.

In the twelve or so minutes that it takes you to read this post and reflect upon my words, someone in the United States will take their own life. On June 5th, one of those lives was famed designer Kate Spade. Three days later, another one of those lives was chef and TV personality Anthony Bourdain. It took only a few days for the media to start questioning suicide - how the thoughts manifest, how to prevent it, and why the sudden uptick in the amount of people dying from it each year.

The ‘American-model’ of combatting important issues usually goes as follows: some large, traumatic event occurs and people talk about it for a week or so before everything goes quiet again. This has been proven time-and-time again with gun violence in schools, shootings of unarmed black men, and now - suicide. We only talk about issues when they are relevant, and typically revolve around society’s cultural icons like pop stars and television personalities. Most of the stories of those who take their own lives will not be told.

Unlike other causes of death like motor-vehicle accidents and homicides, there is immense ambiguity surrounding suicide. In truth, you may not know why people take their own lives. The reason why suicide goes unnoticed is maybe because the person who is suffering often doesn’t want others to know the vastness of their feelings and in turn, cannot reach out and ask for help.

Is it our responsibility to reach out and support those who are contemplating suicide? It is difficult to answer. As someone who lives with depression everyday, I find myself struggling to let other people in, while remaining self-reliant. Often, many people that commit suicide don’t realize that help, whether it be counseling, medication, or other strategies, is out there.

On a cultural level, we tend to sweep emotions and feelings under the rug. We are told, ‘grow up’ and continue living in the same way. Unfortunately, mental illness is recognized more as the result of ‘one bad thing after another,’ rather than as a serious medical condition. Women are ‘allowed to feel emotions more than men, who are expected to bottle their feelings and put on a hard outer-shell. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, men commit suicide at 3.53 times the rate of women. And even if women can express their emotions (and are inherently seen as fragile), they are still at risk.

Many of the stereotypes associated with suicide come from our own ignorance about the condition. Netflix’s Thirteen Reasons Why shows suicide incredibly vividly, which may actually trigger some people to consider suicide themselves. After Spade’s death, statisticians saw a surprising increase in the amount of people that attempted suicide. The media depicts suicide as a way out of hard times and something that is unstoppable. We now know that suicide is often the result of underlying mental health issues that can often be fixed. In Thirteen Reasons Why, suicide was glorified as a means of public entertainment. Killing oneself is not a means of ‘teaching other people a lesson about bullying,’ nor does it make everyone understand why someone was suffering to a great extent. Depicting the protagonist as someone who was overdramatizing her rape and subsequent interactions with her ‘friends’ diminishes the severity of suicide and further prevents people from seeking help.

Self-harm is another element of mental illness and suicidal ideation that we don’t often consider as a warning sign l leading to suicidal action. As someone who has surrounded myself with friends in similar medical predicaments, I can say that not all people who self-harm, do it for attention. Committing suicide is not necessarily a means of seeking attention either, but rather, a method of quieting the thoughts in someone’s head. We have this preconceived notion regarding self-harm, that it is something that people often do in solitary confinement or under intense mental dysfunction. I have heard the line numerous times: ‘Why would anyone want to cut their skin open (or burn themselves, or other methods of harming)?’ Is it because they’re a masochist? No. Is it because they’re crazy? No. Rather, self harm can be seen as a method of coping for many people. It can release endorphins and other pleasure hormones into the brain and make someone feel better in that moment.

Self harm can be seen as a method of coping for many people.

According to the Center for Disease Control, there has been a 30% increase in the rate of suicide in the U.S. So, why are we just now talking about it? Many of the people commit suicide aren’t officially diagnosed with a mental illness, nor receive positive coping skills that can help them get out of that headspace. If an oncologist saw a 30% increase in patients diagnosed with cancer, should they be concerned? Most certainly yes! The bottom line is that we can’t expect suicide to dramatically decrease unless we provide better and more available counseling services to those who need it. Schools can also offer programs around relationships and managing stress while crisis center call lines can be extended to more areas. Unless we improve the mental health care in this country, we can’t expect this problem to get better.

Proactivity, not reactivity, is the only way that suicide needs to be assessed around the globe. And not just proactive counseling and medical outreach, but also outreach on a personal level. Connect with your friends, talk to them about the warning signs of suicidal ideation, and support each other endlessly. The last thing you want to say is, ‘I never would have expected it.’

Sara is a managing editor at bSmart and student at the University of Vermont. Following graduation, she plans on attending law school.