Click on Laura's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! According to the U.S. Justice Department, one in four women will be raped before they graduate from college. One in four. Did it happen to me? To you? To your best friend? Your worst enemy? Your sister? Your mother? Your daughter? I hear the statistic of one in four and think back to my college roommates. I lived with three other girls. Numbers say one of us was raped during the time we lived together. I have two daughters. Will they be safe? Or will they… Read More...

Click on Jamie's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! The crisp scent of fall is going to be upon us before we know it. But what fall date ideas should you do with your partner? Here are my ten low-cost ideas that can either be done from home or nearby in your local community. Added bonus: none of them will break the bank! Purchase Prima Design Pumpkin Tureen here! 1) Volunteer A great way to spend time with your partner is to give back to your local community. You and your love could partner up and find an… Read More...

Click on Emma's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! Sometimes, in order to find the motivation to make the change you’ve been waiting for, some things that have seemed constant in your life for so long have to fall apart. Of course, I’m not suggesting that something catastrophic must occur in order for us to change our ways, but destruction in any form is the beginning of building something new. Sometimes this destruction comes from inside of us, such as ridding oneself of an old mindset and replacing it with a… Read More...

Click on Courtnie's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! 13 years. My husband, Patrick, and I have been together over 13 years. And almost 3 years ago, we finally got married. We met when I was a freshman in high school, and he was a senior. The story of how we met is usually met with a lot of ‘awww’s and ‘that’s so cute’s. You see, Patrick’s sister had been invited to senior prom. And she didn’t want to be the only freshman there. So in her infinite wisdom, she insisted Patrick ask me to prom so I could… Read More...

Click on Courtnie's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! You know, I’m a lucky woman - despite the circumstances that led me here, I’ve had several very strong father figures in my life that have helped guide who I am today. I was blessed with a great dad, who has loved me unconditionally – even when we don’t get along. I have a great stepdad that treated my brother and I as his own children. I also can’t forget one of the most influential men in my life – my grandfather. My grandfather has been my rock; he loves… Read More...

Click on Kayla's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! It’s graduation season, a time full of gowns, caps, and inspirational speeches. Though you’re no doubt excited to start a brand-new life (perhaps in a brand-new city!) you’re also probably nervous—your friends might not be coming along. In college, your best friends are only a few dorm rooms away. More than likely, by senior year, they’re in the same apartment or house with you. So what will it be like to leave all that behind and strike out on your own?… Read More...

Click on Alex's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! Being in a sorority is an amazing experience, but getting into one can be overwhelming and nerve-wracking. As well-meaning as it is when people say not to stress it, you can’t help but to worry a little throughout the process. The good news, however, is that there are plenty of ways to make your rush process both enjoyable and successful, and lucky you for you, I’ve created a comprehensive manual: The bSmart Guide to Sorority Rush. Purchase STYLESTALKER… Read More...

What are the best qualities in a female-empowered friendship? We asked and your fellow brilliant, bSmart ladies answered. Giving and receiving support, empowerment, and expressing appreciation were the common themes shared! Purchase Chaser Besties 4Eva #1 Tee here! Support Both with your time and your heart, friends need to encourage and empower each other. That can be as simple as sending a reassuring text on a day they have a big exam or interview, or going over to their apartment at 11pm because they're feeling lonely. ~ Gabriella Bower… Read More...

Click on Amanda's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! ‘Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.’ – Martin Luther King Jr. On March 22, 2016, our world was yet again rocked with tragedy. In Belgium’s capital city of Brussels, the hateful hearts of few took the lives of many, and incited an echo of fear in people of every nationality, color, and religion across the world. In light of these events, I have heard one of America's leading… Read More...

Click on Kamerin's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! ‘Be thankful that you have someone to love and someone who also loves you back.’ Just when I thought being in a long distance relationship would be tough, I stumbled upon the above quote from Lifehack.org’s 21 Best Tips On Making A Long Distance Relationship Work and it brought me back to why I fell in love with my boyfriend in the first place. Yet sometimes, I wonder: how did I get initiated into the long distance relationship club? Life doesn’t always… Read More...

Click on Alexis' picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! We’ve all said it before: ‘Listen, I’m so sorry, but I can’t make it! I hope you understand…’ And while, for the most part, friends and significant others do understand that responsibilities abound and schedules are always in flux, there comes a breaking point. People get impatient, and the honest truth is that if you want your most valued people to feel the love, you’re going to have to carve out time for them. Looking beyond the daydreams that involve… Read More...

Click on Shannon's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! ‘Ugh, I HATE guys.' ‘You’re better than him. You deserve better.’ These are snippets from everyday conversations that I have with my close friends. And whether we like to admit it or not, there is a sense of impending doom in knowing that the push-pull between ‘what the heart desires’ and ‘what the head knows it should want’ is a perpetual theme in the life of the 21st century woman. Purchase 'LOVE' LED Marquee Sign here! I have found that the age we live in… Read More...

Click on Alex's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! I’ve always considered my friends to be an important part of my life. Whenever someone asks me what I like to do for fun, my immediate response is, ‘hang out with my friends.’ When I’m not with them, I'm constantly writing in our text group chats, sending goofy Snapchat photos, and taking mental notes of events throughout the day that I have to share with them later. Yet as much as I love them, I sometimes forget how truly blessed I am to be surrounded by them.… Read More...

Click on Dylan's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! I’m sure it comes as no surprise to anyone that we live in a society where self-identified women are constantly bombarded with messages explaining how we should dress, look, eat, exercise, act, speak, and function, in public. Sure, this societal pressure may not be as rigid and unforgiving as it was in the 18th and 19th centuries, when women had strict social contracts and behavioral rules to follow, but the remnants of those accepted notions are still very… Read More...

Click on Anna's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! With all of the excitement that teenage relationships inspire, it can be easy to forget the sobering fact that one in three teens in the United States will experience physical, sexual or emotional abuse at the hands of an intimate partner. In response to this staggering statistic, various organizations nationwide designate February as Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM). Throughout February, organizations such as Break the Cycle, Loveisrespect and… Read More...

Click on Gabriella's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! Last night Lady Gaga moved the world with her powerful and emotional performance of her Oscar nominated song ‘Til It Happens to You.’ The song was co-written with Diane Warren for The Hunting Ground, a documentary centered around two young women who took the investigation of sexual assault on college campuses into their own hands after their university failed them. Image via The documentary was created with the mission to dispel the crisis of campus sexual… Read More...

Click on Anna's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! In an era of commercialization and social media, Valentine’s Day can be almost impossible to ignore. It can be easy to feel a little blue on a day that's meant to be all about love. A recent trend among both singles and happily spoken for ladies alike, is to observe 'Galentine’s' Day instead of, or in addition to, the traditional festivities on February 14. Galentine’s Day focuses on, in the words of Parks and Rec’s ever-optimistic protagonist, Leslie Knope,… Read More...

Click on Dylan's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! As a teacher, I'm also a mandated reporter, which means any violence-related information shared with me about a student and his or her boyfriend/girlfriend, his or her parents, or friends falls under the realm of my responsibility to follow through with the necessary and legal precautions. With that said, teen dating violence is a serious issue, and should be thoughtfully, respectfully, and urgently addressed and handled - especially if you're a close friend,… Read More...

Click on Arifa's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! Love, a dazzling and elusive force, grasps all of us in mysterious ways. As a little girl, I was never one to fantasize about fairy-tale endings or romanticize the idea of a prince saving me; it seemed so unrealistic, even to my four year old self. Nearly fifteen years later, the prospect of falling in love still fails to entice me because dating is no longer what it used to be. Unlike the 1990s, the boy next door probably won’t knock on your door to take you… Read More...

Click on Kendra's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! Let me take a poll (virtual, of course): how many of you still get a little peeved when your ex’s name is brought up in casual conversation? You’re not alone. It wasn’t until a few months ago that I could actually hear his name without having tears well up in my eyes. So, let’s get the venting out of the way before we proceed, okay? He or she screwed you over. You tried really hard to win back your ex’s affection. You gave your all in a relationship and he or… Read More...

Click on Rena's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! We’ve made great strides toward gender equality in the last several decades, but there’s certainly more work to be done. As a result of the ongoing struggle for equal recognition, many women feel the need to overcompensate by constantly reaffirming their financial, professional, and social independence. Don’t get me wrong – it’s important to be independent! However, it shouldn’t come at the cost of an unhealthy social outlook. Purchase Alexandra Ferguson… Read More...

Click on Mollie's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! Growing up, I lived a sheltered life. I’m the oldest of four children and I have parents who would do anything to protect me. I’m very lucky. Even though I hate to admit it, this shielding had its drawbacks. When I was eight, I told my mom I learned what the f-word meant. Too embarrassed to say it out loud, I leaned and whispered ‘fart’ in her ear. So imagine me in sixth grade. I hear the word ‘gay’ for the first time. What does this mean? Boys can like boys?… Read More...

Click on Kellie's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! Many people will tell you that patience is a virtue. I never understood what that meant until now. I had never experienced what it felt like to physically wait for something good to happen. It’s hard not to get frustrated when things don’t go your way when you want them too. But, I truly believe it’s because something better is in store. Being patient takes practice. It takes discipline and self-control to calm your nerves and wait. I’m a perfectionist and… Read More...

Click on Mollie's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! I tend to think of myself as the typical female college student. I’m 20, starting my junior year at Northwestern University, I’m in a sorority and I double major in European history and journalism. Unfortunately, as the typical female college student, I have a one in four chance of experiencing rape or attempted rape. The White House found that one in five college students (male and female) experience sexual assault throughout their time in college. And most… Read More...

Click on Kellie's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! It’s a common belief amongst college women that in order to be fun and flirty, alcohol is the answer. Ladies, I can tell you right now that this is not that case! Alcohol is actually the enemy. Yes, a few drinks is fine with your friends, but as you get older, having a few drinks just to get tipsy or perhaps even to get drunk is not what your soul mate wants. It looks sloppy, and can often lead to regrettable situations. No one is interested in a relationship… Read More...

Click on Caitlin's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! I never dreamed I would meet a boy online. I didn't expect to download a dating app at all, let alone use it. ‘When you find love on Bumble,’ I had said to a friend, ‘let me know.’ As time went on, it seemed as though everyone was using the app, so I gave into temptation and downloaded Bumble. Although odd and unfamiliar, I was willing to give it a try. Swiping left and swiping right, I was amazed at the options at my fingertips. I could adjust the age and… Read More...

Click on Amanda's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! If I've learnd anything as a single woman in the last few years, it’s that dating is never going to be simple. Meeting someone you’re attracted to, getting to know that person, getting to the point where you actually have feelings for them, and then maintaining a committed relationship is not a smooth process. But as someone who always finds things in my life to focus on other than dating, simple is exactly what I wanted it to be. Enter my first experience… Read More...

Click on Lauren's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! As a plan-oriented kinda girl, it’s no surprise that I’ve been mapping out my wedding since age eight. Eleven years later and single as ever, a wedding is not on the horizon for me. But that can’t stop me from planning my heart out! When I discovered Pinterest, I quickly realized that wedding planning had been revolutionized. Gone are the days of taking pictures of the television set when I see a gown I like on TLC’s 'Say Yes to the Dress.' Whether you dream… Read More...

Click on AJ's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! I was recently talking to a dear friend about a date she went on and how she was quite optimistic that it may be her next serious relationship. She shared details about everything from picking out the right outfit to the very upscale restaurant where they met and how he looked even more handsome than when they originally met. His suit was tailored and his lips looked so kissable she could hardly stop looking at them when he talked. My friend was in heaven. She… Read More...

Click on AJ's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! On a lazy Saturday afternoon I watched an episode of 'Everybody Hates Chris' that caused me to reflect on why women are sometimes attracted to the 'bad boy.' In the episode, Chris is trying to get the attention of one of the girls in his neighborhood. He decides to seek advice from an older gentleman who tells him to act like a particular T.V. rapper who's known for disrespecting females. Upon hearing the advice, Chris treats every girl who approaches him with a… Read More...

Click on Polly's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! I was the unfortunate recipient of some really, god-awful advice when I was a wee middle schooler. It was a Friday afternoon and I was, as per usual, in love with the idea of love. I hung on every word my language arts teacher shared with my doe-eyed class as she acted like she was granting us the holy grail of the dating Bible. The advice was this: ‘Not if, but when you fall in love with someone, for the right reasons, and you love them unconditionally,… Read More...

Click on Kamerin's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! I never looked at a lunch date the same way again. I’m probably being dramatic, but it was an eye opener. At my second week at Leo Burnett, an advertising agency where I work, me and some of the lovely ladies from my team (also millennial women) decided to go out for lunch. It was a Friday, a pretty slow day, with the majority of the team out of town. So why not suck up these last few days of summer with some girl bonding time to break away from a busy week?… Read More...

Click on Amina's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! There are many things in this world you can prepare for, and in my experience, finding your best friend most certainly is NOT one of them. Everything short of a giant meteor the size of Texas approaching Earth’s surface only to be destroyed by a group of oil riggers at the last second (don’t laugh someone actually made a movie out of it and even more shocking is Ben Affleck’s questionable decision to play the lead), obtrusively interrupting your daily norm one… Read More...

This post is published in collaboration with Quarterlette.com, an online magazine for quarter-life women. Their mission is to support, guide and inspire women in their twenties and thirties through relatable, first-person essays that are submitted by women who want to share their experiences and life lessons. These stories help others feel less alone in whatever it is they are going through and be ready to conquer whatever challenge they're facing. Follow Quarterlette on Twitter and like them on Facebook. 'What’s up?' No, I'm not referring to… Read More...

Click on Kat's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! 'I choose to be single.' It’s a valid statement — anyone who tells you differently is basing their self-worth on the relationships they have. However…sometimes we don’t choose to be single. Sometimes we hardly have a choice at all. I’m talking about that old platitude, ‘There’s plenty of fish in the sea.’ As a single lady who lived in NYC this summer, let me say that the sea isn’t actually as expansive as everyone seems to be telling me. In light of that… Read More...

Click on Emily's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! It seems as though every girl has experienced the gut-wrenching, despair-filled feeling you get at the dissolution of a relationship. Throughout my dating life, I too, have had my fair share of heartache and felt how your world can be completely turned upside down as a result. At the same time, I’ve found great strength, confidence and insight through these painful experiences. Sometimes it’s our most difficult moments that define us - heartbreak is certainly… Read More...

Click on AJ's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! On the drive home the other day I was listening to Raheem DeVaughn sing his hit song ‘B.O.B’ (Battery Operated Boyfriend). As Raheem sang about all of the things a B.O.B can’t do, (‘a B.O.B can’t kiss you or rub your thighs…’) I couldn't help but think about all of the things a B.O.B can do. Even in the 21st century women, unfortunately, are still trying to figure out how to have better sex. According to Google Adwords, there were over 15,000 searches last month… Read More...

Click on Julia's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! You’ve heard it before - you can’t love someone until you love yourself. But let’s be honest, figuring out how to find love is a lot easier than learning how to love yourself. For many of us, being single means putting energy into hoping to find love in the next guy or girl to come along instead of taking the time to learn and grow. It’s why we date just to date. But it’s also how we end up confused and hurt. That’s where dating yourself comes in. Being single… Read More...

Click on Megan's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! I love baking. Baking is exact, measured, timed. Usually there’s just one way to follow a baking recipe. Cooking? Not so much. Cooking is different. There’s a little of this, a little of that - you can add a different spice or substitute a new ingredient. I like baking because I like structure and precision and knowing that if I take certain steps, I will most likely get a certain result. Cooking is a little more unpredictable. The other day, after throwing… Read More...

Click on AJ's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! I recently wrote about the dangers of having expectations that are too high when looking for a partner. The flip side of this argument is that it’s important to consider having some sort of guide or roadmap to finding the types of person you want to be with. I was recently having a conversation with a friend who was citing her ‘top 5 list’ for what she’s looking for in a partner and said, “AJ, I need to be with a person who is 1) God-fearing, 2) attractive, 3)… Read More...

Click on Amina's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! Yes, it’s true. Far too often “love” is characterized as a kind of sacrilegious attack on female independence—a symbiotic trade of sorts. So in a world that conceptualizes a working wife as an absent wife, where does that leave love on the larger spectrum of female milestones? Image via For years, I’ve conceptualized my love life as a kind of Carrie Bradshaw Tell All. I’d travel the world with numerous “Big’s” in my back pocket and a trendy designer wardrobe… Read More...

Click on AJ's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! I was watching an old episode of Oprah where she was helping a 41-year-old woman find a date. The woman was attractive, successful, without children and had never been married. During the course of the show, Oprah asked her to make a list of the attributes she was looking for in a prospective date. The woman began to list a variety of items including one requirement - the man could not drink out of a straw, because she felt that it showed a lack of masculinity.… Read More...

Click on Beth's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! My father’s favorite saying whenever my sisters or I do something of which he is especially proud is: “My one goal in life was to raise three independent, strong-willed, confident women . . . so how the heck did I wind up with three independent, strong-willed, confident women!?” Of all of my siblings, I am, by far, the most independent. And, of all the women, I’m the only single one left, which I generally consider a great accomplishment. But, I can’t count the… Read More...

Click on Adedayo's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! Writing about love is something I'm still learning to spread my wings around. I love to read Cosmopolitan's funny love stories and love advice, but is it ok for me to write that I'm single, in my twenty's and searching? (P.S. Ladies, if you know of any one I should meet, let me know!) Is shameless self-promotion allowed in this post? But how else can a single lady get a date if she's not using every opportunity at her disposal? Ok, perhaps there's a more… Read More...

Click on Emily's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! “I like him, he's a great guy and we have fun together, but I just don't know if he's the one...” How many times have you heard a distraught girlfriend say this? Maybe you've said the same thing before, I know I have (more than once). Whether or not you believe in soul mates, everyone has to decide at some point in the course of a relationship if they want to spend the rest of their lives with their significant other. People will tell you many different ways… Read More...

Click on Emma's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! What’s the first thing you think of when your mind wanders? You know, when you’re sitting at your desk staring at a blank screen because you said you’d be productive, but really your mind is far away and eventually you’ll notice you’ve been holding down the space bar for ten minutes. Where does your mind go? I had the unfortunate realization a few days ago that my mind was consistently on a girl I’m intersted in. Not in a cute aw, you’re scribbling names in… Read More...

Click on Caroline's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! You’re in a big, bad mama-jama long distance relationship and, let’s be honest, it’s not ideal. The tangible portion of your relationship is scattered with visits to each other’s respective cities and while you so enjoy those weekend/holiday trips, it’s not quite the same thing as one hop, skip, and/or jump to your significant other's apartment. Wouldn’t it be nice to high five (maybe smooch - if you’re into that sort of thing) and make a quick meal… Read More...

Click on Emma's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! A little friendly love advice on communication, expression, bravery, and friendship told through poetry: Image via Texting is not conversation. My mood has been a steady biorhythm For the past six months In which I’ve known you. Up and down based on: Have you replied? Did you see my message? Was my text too long? Mostly down because: You didn’t reply, though you’d seen my message, And I’ve been the only text bubble for the past five days. And that isn’t fair -… Read More...

Click on Kaelyn's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! My parents and I are biffles. I really mean that. For example, my mom was the first person I told when I got my nose pierced in college. (Granted, she wouldn’t talk to me for a week and cut off my grocery money for the month.) But I knew she needed to be the first one to know. My mom has been the one whose shoulder I’ve cried on when I’ve experienced near-heartbreak; she’ll probably be the first to know when I’m engaged. We drink La Crema chardonnay together,… Read More...

Click on Adedayo's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! From my experience working in the mental health field for more than three years, I’ve had the opportunity to work with many women who were in unhealthy relationships. And so writing about the subject of “toxic relationships” is something that gives me great joy, in the hope that other women will be empowered with the knowledge to identify a toxic relationship in their own lives or a friend’s life. I have found (as smart as we are) no one is exempt from… Read More...

Click on Christine's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! 1. Stop dating people you don't have chemistry with. Dating and finding true love have a weird momentum about them. If it's good, it's like running downhill, where you cease to control any or all of your appendages. When you're hesitant, if the person's not right, or the timing's wrong, you're the kid pacing in circles or twiddling his or her thumbs at the top of the hill with a helmet on. You shouldn't have to think so much about why you should or… Read More...

Click on Leesa's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! Where is the love? "Love your neighbor as you love yourself,” is how the sacred text goes, or, “Treat others how you want to be treated.” Our familiar golden rules are reminders of the kind of behavior to which we should aspire. Both of these sayings imply a strong and distinct self-love. These phrases are suggesting we give all the same respect and love we have for ourselves to others as well. One of the healthiest life choices to make is to live with high… Read More...

Click on Sara's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! Dating can sometimes feel like you’re interacting with people from a totally different planet. On that note, my friends and I will jokingly refer to most New York men as “aliens.” It’s our umbrella term for any man who has atypical behavior, and tends to fall off the planet for months at a time. These New York men are common and are ‘aliens’ in many ways. In addition to the physical departure from this world, they are also typically bizarre in their behavior… Read More...

Click on Emily's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! Now that I’m engaged, I’ve learned that relationships are like daisies. They require lots of tender-loving-care in order for them to sprout, grow and eventually bloom. The better care you show a daisy, the stronger and more beautiful it will become. Whether you’ve been in a relationship for a month, a year, or fifty years, here are some beneficial bits of love advice I’ve learned to help your relationship grow, too! Tip # 1 - Evaluate Your Relationship When… Read More...

Click on Kaelyn's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! I’ve never been in love. Well. Maybe that’s not true. I think I may have been. But what I mean to say is I’ve never uttered those beautiful, ominous, synergistic three words — “I love you” — to anyone of the male species before. Besides my dad, who doesn’t count. When I was a little girl, I had the whole “I’ll meet my Prince Charming as a young woman and live happily ever after” mentality. Then, of course, came the wedding in a little white chapel (no, not… Read More...

Click on Sara's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! The cool winter airs whips across your face, and you ask yourself, “When will it be summer?” The fact is a lot of us hate winter. And a lot of us love it. And many of us just prefer not putting on two pairs of pants before commuting to work. But before winter is gone for good (and we are left in the sweltering days of summer), let’s take a moment to consider how to find love and relish all the things we love about this season. These cold days can often be warm… Read More...

Click on Caroline's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! There are a few types of love in the world. There’s the type that is expressed on Valentines Day with long-stemmed red roses and a decadent box of chocolate-covered strawberries. There’s the love when two good friends recognize they’re so gosh-darn compatible they might as well collaborate on happily-ever-after together. And then there’s the type of love when two people meet and automatically come together as if they’ve known each other for all time. Live… Read More...

Click on Kim's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! In addition to the usual stress and anxiety that comes with getting a weekend reservation at any restaurant worth eating at in New York City, the fact that Valentine’s Day will be on a Friday this year will makes the process even more challenging. Why not skip the whole restaurant ordeal and do something unconventional with your significant other? If you’re not in a relationship, take this opportunity to do something a little different with your Friday night.… Read More...

Click on Emily's picture to friend her, message her, or read more of her blog posts! Have you ever had to communicate with someone from a foreign country and realized that speaking two different languages can be frustrating? Sometimes relationship issues can feel the same way. It is very possible for two well-meaning people who truly love each other to feel unfulfilled in their relationship because they have not yet learned each other’s love language. Dr. Gary Chapman, a happily married man of 45 years and a marriage counselor for 35, has… Read More...

Falling in Love I thought it might be worth sharing some relationship advice dispensed from my sweet mother about 9 years ago about falling in love. One simple disclaimer before we begin: I am NOT a relationship expert. I do NOT have much experience. BUT, when it comes to relationship advice, my sweet mom's lines are gems. Pure gems. For instance, my personal favorite, 'Physical chemistry is an important component to any relationship...sometimes it might get you into trouble, but you can't have a great relationship without it!' Don't worry… Read More...

'The One' When it comes to relationships, most women like to cut to the chase. Halfway through the second date it's not uncommon to start asking, "Is he the one?" I know that in most instances this question isn't resolved that quickly, but seriously, how will you know when he is 'the one?' As far as I know, there are no surefire signs that will help you know he is or isn't 'the one.' I would just love it if somehow, somewhere, there was something that said, "You'll know this is the man you are to marry by x, y, and z...." Wouldn't that be… Read More...

Having Relationship Issues? Advice given by relationship experts for discovering compatibility and deepening the relationship often suggest that couples discuss future goals, personal and relational, to see if similarities in wants and desires exist. While crucial relationship advice, discussing future goals in detail can lead to exhaustive and sometimes difficult conversations about your relationship issues. Let's face it, if you don’t hold a doctorate in verbal communication skills, hashing out future desires can lead to arguing, hurt… Read More...

How to Be Confident It's one of the hardest things to accomplish. Honesty. Especially with ourselves. It's much easier to believe the hype...that's the stuff we've created around ourselves in order to present the “us” we want others to see. Whether its the clothes, the hair, the handbag, or the man on our arm, we can't move forward or grow into the confident woman we were meant to be until we face the facts: People are going to judge us (no matter what we do) That's what we do. It's ingrained into our society. We feel this urge to look to the… Read More...

Businesses thrive and survive by making money. Meeting financial projections and turning a profit are the cornerstones on which successful businesses are built. But, what happens when you’re in the business of death? How do you balance the needs of your company with the needs of families who are living their worst nightmare and just experienced a loss so deep they can’t breathe? I lost my mom to a very sudden death about two years ago. As anyone who has been through something similar knows, the severity of a sudden loss like this is brutally… Read More...

Find a Job - Find a Date You should treat dating like a job search. Just as you would put out as many feelers and inquiries as you can for a possible job, do the same for a potenial partner. The more you learn about other 'industries' and what is required on a day-to-day basis working at that company, the more information you will have whether it is a good fit. The same is true of dating. You have to seek out potential partners by searching far and wide and letting everyone know you are looking to find a date. You have to be open to all… Read More...

Raising a Child Tip 1: Be Prepared Having children is a gift in theory, but a sacrifice in reality. Raising a child will cost you emotional energy and money. The right time to have children is when you have the emotional strength to fully care for another human and the money to pay for the physical needs of another human. To know if you are ready to raise a childe, you will have to know the cost of living in your city to provide for another person for the next 18 plus years. With respect to being emotionally ready, do you have the time and… Read More...

Love Yourself First To Find Love The number one rule when looking for where to find love is to first love yourself. If you don't like who you are, then why would someone else? If you want someone to love you, then you have to ask yourself: Who am I? Do I like myself? What about myself do I not like? Get a picture of the person you want to be with respect to your personality, free time, health, and humor. When you become the person you want to be, others will want to know you and love you too. Don't look for someone to love you, love who you… Read More...

If it seems like too much trouble right off the bat, it probably is. Every couple has their issues, but if you’ve just started dating someone and it’s already difficult or frustrating, if they’re jealous of your roommate and insisting you call every half-hour, if you have nothing to talk about or disagree about everything – ditch ‘em. The beginning should be the blissful, exciting time! If it doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not. Just let it go. Don’t get ahead of yourself. If it’s right, it will last. There’s no need to rush into things, to… Read More...

Do you have boundaries? I have a book you have to read. Ok, the very fact I'm telling you you must read this book might go against its premise, but I'll risk it. YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend has been one of the most influential books in my life (and the lives of my friends whom I've insisted read the book). The overriding message of the book is that, 'We are responsible to others and for ourselves,' meaning we should take ownership… Read More...

Advice About Love The Book of John, in the New Testament, contains a story of Jesus interacting with a man who had been sick for 38 years and was laying by a pool known for miraculous cures. Jesus looks at him and asks "Do you want to get well?" A strange question with a seemingly obvious answer. But the answer isn't always so obvious. 'Not wanting to be sick' and 'wanting to get well' are actually two different concepts. And they both can apply to our relational worlds in your pursuit wanting to be happy. You may be in a relationship with… Read More...

Communicate in Your Relationship You might be wondering, "Can I bring up family and values without scaring off my boyfriend?" Better to scare off your boyfriend than your husband. You should discuss your values regarding family, money, religion, raising children, and marital roles before a trip to Harry Winston. Understanding each other’s values and family expecatation is part of figuring out if this is the right partner for you. You should bring up your values in conversation and inquire about your partner’s values at some point before you… Read More...

My Advice About Love In my opinion, not being used comes down to knowing your worth and setting some boundaries before a significant other is even in the picture. The boundaries part is simpler than the worth part (maybe not simple, but simpler) when it comes to relationship issues. Sit down and discuss with a friend (or a few) what your ideal, balanced, equally-beneficial relationship might look like. Try to talk about tangible things and ways to measure what you feeling appreciated looks like. Then, WRITE IT DOWN! So often we think talking… Read More...

Advice About Love Be careful from whom you seek advice....Sometimes the people quickest to give advice and most articulate in their wisdom may actually not have the best answers. When looking for relationship advice, look for a relationship you admire. Look for a couple that respects each other, openly cares for each other, and has overcome obstacles together. Look for people who have spent multiple seasons of life together so they can share what experience has taught them. They may not be the advice-giving type, so question them. Ask for… Read More...

Making New Friends and Wondering Who to Trust? Degrees of closeness among friends can be compared to the rings of a tree—with you in the center. In your innermost circle, it’s possible to have 2 or 3 very good friends. The next innermost ring can be a bit larger with maybe 5 or 6 close friends, and the next ring is usually made up of 10-12 friends. Outside this ring is a ring of 50 or more friends/acquaintances. So, it’s possible to have many friends, but the degree of closeness depends on which ring the friends fall into. With making new… Read More...

You may need to sacrifice something. (I know: CRINGE). Time, so far (I’m hopeful), is not infinite. I wish I could ingest a certain amount of yeast and increase the number of hours in a particular day. It’s just not going to happen though. You may need to sacrifice something to be happy in a relationship. Take a week and write down all the things you’re involved in and what the commitment is logistically (don’t forget travel time!). Have your partner do the same. Prioritize your lists. Then take a look. Your partner is more important than a… Read More...

This street is oddly calm, every other house a woman’s house. Belle’s forsythia is rampant. Anna, in the dormered Cape left her plastic Santa out. It’s April. He’s fallen on his face, beside the sleigh. In the 50’s this street could fill a school bus. Children poured up the hill in rivers, dropped their books to climb the willows, roam the forests, until they filled their backpacks, vanished into cities. Meanwhile the women learn the soft language of Mah-Jongg, south wind, green dragon, visit Vegas, walk for cancer. Docents in the family… Read More...

Relationship issues with his friends The likelihood that you’ll not like someone in your boyfriend or husband’s life is as strong as the likelihood they'll not like someone in your life – very likely. Your first responsibility is to your spouse (or significant other) and their first responsibility is to you. Your relationship with each other takes priority over every other relationship, including, and especially, the relationship you have with your parents and best friend from childhood. That said, it’s unfair to ask your loved one to… Read More...

Manners Matter 1) Picking up your clothes, washing the dishes, and cleaning the bathroom really do translate into respect – no matter what love language speaks to the other person. This is particularly difficult for me because I didn’t want to play the traditional role of a wife who cooks and cleans. However, being messy and disrespectful with a space someone else lives in has nothing to do with equal responsibility and everything to do with respect and valuing the person you live with. Remembering manners matter is the first step for how to… Read More...

How to Find True Love Are you alone in your expectations when looking for how to find true love? Write them down. Speak them to a friend. Are you embarrassed by what you read, or do you feel empowered and encouraged? If you’re embarrassed, maybe it’s time to reevaluate. If your friend seconds your standards, you’re good to go. If you’re already in a relationship it’s of paramount importance that you communicate your expectations. But this is a two-way street. Once you’ve opened that door you must be prepared with your partner to find and… Read More...

Dating Advice for Women Good for you for dating more than one person. Doing this will give you more options and opportunities for finding someone with whom you want to have a long-term relationship. The guidelines for your dating life are simple – don’t commit to more than one person at a time. What are the ways you can commit to another person? There are three – 1) physically, 2) emotionally, and 3) mentally. You physically commit to another person by being physically intimate with them or by spending hours and hours of time with them. You… Read More...

Have Relationship Issues? COMMUNICATION is healthy for any relationship if you're looking for advice about love. (Yes, I ALLCAPed that doozy because – honey – sometimes when we communicate effectively, the neighbors have an intimate understanding of the issue at hand. The neighbor’s dog is cowering under their couch like “DUDE, hang up the damned towel already!”) Any individual in a committed relationship with another individual human being is going to face relationship issues at some point. You can ignore the conflict if you want. But, I will… Read More...

Tried and True Advice About Love I've only been married for three years, and I still have a lot to learn. But one relationship tip I will tell you is this: Don't go to bed angry. If you've taken any marriage course or read any book on marriage, chances are you've heard this one. It's right up there with 'love isn't always a feeling, sometimes it's a choice.' So, as I entered into the married world, I thought I had 'don't let the sun go down on your anger' pretty much covered. Surely I can handle that, right?? Wrong. I will tell you though, it… Read More...

Finding Love in Your Relationships Love in any relationship means to put another’s needs first, and thus love usually comes in the form of some sort of sacrifice. The sacrifices might be limited in a dating relationship because the sacrifices required in dating are not as extreme as those in marriage or parenthood. Love in a dating relationship is observed in the little details of the relationship. In what little ways do you or your partner take care of each other’s needs? In what little ways do you sacrifice for each other? In your words and… Read More...

Relational Rut Family Systems Theory bases itself on the idea that individuals fall into predictable roles within the family dynamic—roles they may not play anywhere else...roles they may deplore. If you're looking for relationship advice for how to change this, according to theorists, all it takes for the system to change is for one person to stop playing his or her role. One person stops waiting for everyone else to change or for something to magically happen that will alter patterns that have been existent for years. That one person simply… Read More...

Relationship Tips for Tolerance Gay relationships are like other relationships – each one is different. While I personally believe that lesbian relationships are easier on many levels than relationships with men, that simply means that they’re easier for ME and may not be easier for every woman who ventures into them! In my experience, there is an innate sense of connection between two women – it’s easier to trust, easier to communicate, easier to understand each other’s needs and desires and fears and joys (sexual and otherwise). I think… Read More...

Making New Friends There are two rules for how to make new friends and having close girlfriends – 1) You have to be a friend to the other person first and 2) You have to want your new friends to be successful and happy. You might sense that your female acquaintances feel threatened or distant from you. That’s okay – it’s your job to be a friend to them first by asking them questions, caring about their answers, and becoming genuinely interested in their lives and what they have to say. Having Close Friends You have to want your female friends… Read More...

I had an epiphany last year. I know. It doesn’t happen often, so when it does, I stop and stand at attention. My husband and I had been married for almost 9 years, and let’s just say that after almost a decade of marriage, the love tank, well, it was runnin’ dry. It’s easy to let the romance peter out—especially when the soundtrack to your life is the tantrum-prone whinings of an adorable (yet feisty) 2-year old. Steve and I had made it a point to read the book The Five Love Languages a few years ago and had valuable conversations about how we… Read More...

There’s the yard we talked about a lighthouse, a canon, a rusty pump, a burro, a Mexican asleep beneath his hat. Dutch children holding tulips, a wheelbarrow of sweetpeas, two garden gnomes with crinkled hats, three geese dressed for Halloween, a wooden lady with red bloomers, six pink flamingos by the door, a giant butterfly stuck on the shed. Joe and Ida in 1961, decided children weren’t for them. Too much time and trouble, we want to see the world, be creative, run our lives without the diapers, ballgames, PTA. Afternoons and Saturdays Ida… Read More...

Where to Find Love I'm sure it comes as no surprise to the women reading this article in New York, Chicago, Atlanta and Miami that a good man is hard to find. In New York, single women far outnumber single men, and the same is true of most large East Coast cities. So, where does a woman go to find a date? Find Me a Date Try practically any city west of the Mississippi, according to this map by Richard Florida. Though it's a little out of date, I think it helps frame what we're up against and where to find love. LA, Seattle, Denver,… Read More...

We buried grandma from the nursing home, where, after years of cooking and compliance she was the life of the party 2 short years, shouting words we didn’t think she knew. The most outrageous in that foreign place. On the road to the old graveyard bright prayer flags of washing snapped in the wind. Women in gardens gathered summer in baskets, a child waved from a tire swing. The traffic stopped both ways, pickups, vans, funeral cars, as sandhill cranes, queer, stilted mourners stalked in a stately line, across the road to cattails in the… Read More...

Relationship Tips for Commitment How do you go from dating to marriage? The decision to make this promise is usually organic and the result of spending enough time together to realize that you both want to make this promise. If your partner doesn’t feel this way after two years of getting to know you, then you should cut your losses and move on. But, not before first asking your partner whether they see marriage down the road. An engagement isn’t a decision made by one person and announced with a ring – it’s a mutual decision made by two… Read More...

Advice for Women Relationships Supporting your friend when you don't agree with her/his choices can be pretty challenging, especially if you think her/his choices are going to hurt her. Because you love your friend, you want to help your friend and might try to change her and her behavior. You tell her how her behavior is hurting others and insist that she change, or you might resort to 'tough love' and harsh words. And when none of that works, you pull away from your friend thinking that if you pull back from your relationship she'll change… Read More...

The Reason for not moving on 'I can't break up with him. I'll never have with anyone else what I have with him.' I have heard these words from a number of friends. They seem to believe they've found their soul mate, even though there are countless issues staring them in the face. 'I know we shouldn't be together because 1) he doesn't treat me well, 2) isn't the one, 3) not who I ultimately see myself with, 4) flirts with other girls, or 5) can be rude and selfish, but, I can't leave him because I'll never have with someone else what I have… Read More...

does anyone remember slow dinners music talk love ? does anyone remember when we had time in buckets? time to sit on porches watch a moonrise wish on stars? Photo by Michelle Burrus Read More...

Not Enjoying sex in your Relationship? There’s nothing wrong with not having an orgasm every single time you have sex. However, if you’re NEVER having an orgasm, you’re missing out big time and should take some steps to try and remedy that! For most women the ability to climax depends on a variety of factors – level of arousal, skill of the partner, emotional state, fatigue level, sometimes even the time of the month or day. Some women have an orgasm in 5 minutes, every time they have sex, no matter what. Some women take an hour and only… Read More...

Relationship Tips for Sex You should know what you want and don’t want, and you should know what makes you feel good and not good, and you should be able make those things clear to the person you’re sleeping with. Even if you don’t have a lot of sexual experience, you need to be self-aware enough to know what kind of interaction you want (romance, excitement, thrills, cautious exploration), and you need to be assertive and comfortable enough to speak your mind and let your sexual partner know what you want and how you’re feeling. Advice About… Read More...

Question: How Can I make my fiance excited about wedding planning? My initial reaction is: You can’t. You cannot MAKE someone excited about something. I suggest a different approach. Find what he is excited about with the wedding planning, no matter how small, no matter how minute or inconsequential it may seem, and be excited with him about that. Give him the space and freedom to be excited about what he naturally likes, and it may blossom into more. Obviously, you may want to share every tiny thing you are excited about with him in the hopes… Read More...

Where Can I Find Love? Make no mistake, there are many people you can marry and with whom you can find true love and a lasting and satisfying marriage. How do you decide if you want your partner to be “the one” for you? You have to get to know him/her over a period of time to know if he/she is “the right one" for you in order to find true love. There is no such thing as only one perfect person for you or your 'fairly tale one and only true love,' so if you’re contemplating moving to a new city, changing jobs, going back to school – by all… Read More...

Relationship Tip 1: Bring out the Best A successful marriage is a partnership between two people who bring out the best in each other. My advice about love is a truly successful marriage is usually characterized by two people who both feel extremely lucky and honored to be with the other person. Another common characteristic is feeling that you truly have a great amount of respect for the other person and the choices they make. It may sound silly, but liking your partner is often times more important than loving or feeling in love with your… Read More...

Relationship Tips for Great Sex Sexual enjoyment is completely different for men than it is for women. My advice about love and sex is what will turn you on sexually year after year is different than what will turn on your male partner. Women are sexually aroused primarily through their thoughts and emotions. Men are sexually aroused primarily through physical touch and visual images. So, for your male partner to have great sex year after year, he will need to be visually stimulated by you and physically stimulated through touch. This is where… Read More...