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| Smarty Pants |
Relationship Tips for Misconceptions About Gay Relationships
- May 10, 2012
Relationship Tips for Tolerance
Gay relationships are like other relationships – each one is different. While I personally believe that lesbian relationships are easier on many levels than relationships with men, that simply means that they’re easier for ME and may not be easier for every woman who ventures into them! In my experience, there is an innate sense of connection between two women – it’s easier to trust, easier to communicate, easier to understand each other’s needs and desires and fears and joys (sexual and otherwise).
I think there are common misconceptions about gay and lesbian relationships – for lesbians, it’s that there’s a “man” and a “woman” in every woman-woman relationship. One person is the man - butch, stronger, more dominant - and one person is the woman - femme, weaker, more submissive. This is crap. Does every heterosexual couple you know fit neatly into that 1950s-style partnership?! I know plenty of hetero couples where the woman is the more outspoken, decisive one and the man is the quieter, less-commanding one. Or, where there is a lovely balance that ebbs and flows through daily life and has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with their individual needs. All of these differences and variations apply to gay relationships as well. While opposites often attract, and while generally speaking most couples will find “roles” that they fit into, for lesbians there is nothing “male” and “female” about the distinctions in those roles.
I think there are common misconceptions about gay and lesbian relationships – for lesbians, it’s that there’s a “man” and a “woman” in every woman-woman relationship. One person is the man - butch, stronger, more dominant - and one person is the woman - femme, weaker, more submissive. This is crap. Does every heterosexual couple you know fit neatly into that 1950s-style partnership?! I know plenty of hetero couples where the woman is the more outspoken, decisive one and the man is the quieter, less-commanding one. Or, where there is a lovely balance that ebbs and flows through daily life and has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with their individual needs. All of these differences and variations apply to gay relationships as well. While opposites often attract, and while generally speaking most couples will find “roles” that they fit into, for lesbians there is nothing “male” and “female” about the distinctions in those roles.
Advice for Your Friendships
If your friends are insensitive, you should get new friends. There’s absolutely no reason to maintain a friendship with someone who is not supportive of your lifestyle. Now, that’s not to say that you shouldn’t give them a little time to adjust! When I first told my friends that I was dating women, most of them were instantly supportive and happy for me, some were surprised and curious, and a very few were shocked and a little aghast and would put their hands over their ears and sing “La-la-la-la” when the details became too intimate. But, those few eventually got over the shock and very quickly came to understand and accept my choices. I wouldn’t have stayed friends with them if they hadn’t.
Photo by Michelle Burrus
Photo by Michelle Burrus
More Relationship Tips
How to Make and Have Close Friends