In my opinion, not being used comes down to knowing your worth and setting some boundaries before a significant other is even in the picture.  The boundaries part is simpler than the worth part (maybe not simple, but simpler) when it comes to relationship issues.  
 

Sit down and discuss with a friend (or a few) what your ideal, balanced, equally-beneficial relationship might look like.  Try to talk about tangible things and ways to measure what you feeling appreciated looks like.  Then, WRITE IT DOWN!  So often we think talking is enough, but conversations are a lot easier to forget or adjust than something on paper.  Everyone’s pages will ultimately be original and personal, but sharing the discussion will help you get to that write-it-down place and create some accountability with your relatonship issues.  Then when you’re in a relationship you will have a picture before you and an army to make you aware of when you’re letting yourself settle for less that you desire and deserve.  

As for your self-esteem, so often we know it in the deepest of deeps within ourselves but unfortunately forget to stand up for it.  Community is great here, too.  Once your worth has been tested, it’s a lot easier to define and defend it, and friends will help make you aware of when you’re being mistreated (or mistreating others) and find the courage to fight for who you are and what you believe in.  Follow these steps and soon you'll be solving the relationship issues for your friends!

 

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