10 bSmart Ideas for Long Distance Dating

Maybe you’re going away to college, transferring to a new job, or taking time to travel solo.  No matter what, distance can be difficult and emotionally taxing to navigate.  While investing time and attention in your relationships is crucial to cultivating them, this time is better spent directly communicating with the important people in your life, rather than figuring out ways to maintain contact.  Here are 10 tips to help you stop stressing and start connecting.

Shop Hello Stationery Note Boards here!

1) Snail Mail

One of the most obvious advantages to maintaining long distance relationships in the 21st century is technology, which makes face-to-face conversations possible when you’re miles apart.  That said, video-chats are almost always pre-scheduled, which can sometimes make your relationship feel like a chore (and though it does require work, it shouldn’t be a burden).  Instead, try snail mail.  Like text messages, they’re the perfect way to give and receive small, unobtrusive reminders that you’re thinking of someone.  Plus, unlike a text, letters give you something physical to hold onto which in long distance relationships can be hard to come by.

2) Book Club

Swapping book recommendations shows that you not only pay attention to your partner’s tastes but that you also value their opinion enough to read something they’ve recommended.  Taking someone’s recommendations also expands your horizons by pushing you towards books and themes you might not have considered choosing for yourself, all the while allowing you to gain greater insight into your friend or partner.  You can even give your partner the personal copy of one of your books as a gift!  Picking a book together is also a great way to maintain connection: it helps you build a shared experience and provides you with more fodder for conversations over video chat.

3) Long Distance ‘Netflix and Chill’

If ‘Netflix & Chill’ is the modern answer to the classic movie date, then video-chatting while watching a binge-worthy show or classic movie is the ultra-modern answer.  There are plenty of chrome extensions, like Netflix Party or Rabbit, that lets viewers directly connect to a video and sync the content so you don’t have to worry about one person reaching a plot-twist before the other.  You can even enable a chat function that makes getting your partner’s reaction so much easier!

4) Popsicle Stick Dates

This tip is actually courtesy of my first-year roommate.  Before going away to college, her boyfriend wrote different date ideas and conversation topics on popsicle sticks, placed them all into a mason jar, and had her pick one out each week.  These ideas don’t necessarily have to be full date ideas, but small activities or topics to discuss on ‘date night.’  The popsicle stick activities included: introduce the roommates, go phone-free for 24 hours and swap experiences, and read to each other.  Feel free to use these and come up with your own!

5) 20 Questions

Especially great for times when you’re both tired of swapping your daily routines, come up with 20 questions to ask one another.  Picking a topic can be great for deepening your relationship in one area and re-using this idea in the future.  Topics can include childhood favorites, dreams,  and would-you-rather questions.  If you’re stuck- don’t worry!  There are plenty of lists available online.

6) Plan Trips to One Another — Real or Imaginary

If you’re close enough and have the resources, travelling to see each other is the best way to get authentic face time.  This past year, my boyfriend and I switched off travelling between Boston and New York every few weeks to see one another.  Thankfully, it’s a pretty easy trip.  But even if you can’t travel to see each other, planning trips can be a great way to connect.  I’ve had friends who, while their significant others were studying abroad, planned what they would do if they visited one another.  They’d figure out what countries they’d travel to together, what activities they’d do, and even where they’d stay.  Go onto Airbnb, search for any destination, place the price as high as it can go, and plan out your dream vacation.

7) Phone Calls

Personally, I find that phone calls can be nicer and allow me to connect more with someone than facetime; there’s no freezing, and listening to a person’s voice can be far more intimate.  If you’re far away, going for walks or relaxing outdoors while on the phone can give you an ‘alone but together’ feeling that can be more authentic and meditative.

8) Waking Up Together

Usually, video chatting and catching up happens at the end of the day.  But, by talking in the morning, you can start your day with one another, checking in and talking when you have more energy.

9) Try a New Recipe

With busy schedules, video chatting can sometimes be difficult to schedule.  If you’re in similar time zones, video chatting while cooking can be a great way to catch up and do something together, especially if you can try cooking the same dish -- no matter how complicated or simple the recipe.  If you’re stuck, don’t stress!  Pinterest has plenty of recipes to choose from.

10) Star Gazing

One of the activities you can do while talking on the phone is stargazing; it’s intimate, quiet, and calming.  Take turns describing what you can see with your partner, as different locations will have different visibilities.  Though this activity can be great for long distance relationships, it is somewhat dependent on similar time zones.

No matter the situation, relationships are work.  Through that work, we have the opportunity to show the people in our lives that we value them for their authentic selves, and are comfortable to share our authentic selves in return.  Placing any inter-personal relationship at a physical distance increases the effort needed to maintain the connection. That said, there are plenty of benefits to long distance; it allows both you and your partner to grow individually and as partners.  These tips can provide the foundation for you to find ways to remain connected, but all the experience and growth you’ll be rewarded with will be the result of the effort you and your partner have dedicated to one another.

 

Charlotte Kasper is an Art History and American Studies double major at Wellesley College, interested in pursuing a career in academia or museums.  Aside from art and writing, she loves watching comedy specials, enjoying time outdoors, meditating, and listening to music.