From my experience working in the mental health field for more than three years, I’ve had the opportunity to work with many women who were in unhealthy relationships.  And so writing about the subject of “toxic relationships” is something that gives me great joy, in the hope that other women will be empowered with the knowledge to identify a toxic relationship in their own lives or a friend’s life.  I have found (as smart as we are) no one is exempt from falling into the pool of relationship toxicity at some point in their lives.  It is so easy to end up or remain in a toxic relationship even though we might be healthy in most other areas of our lives, as matters of the heart often require a different logic and approach.

Because you’re reading this, I know you’re already an empowered woman.  You know that you’re brilliant, you’re beautiful, you’re sexy, you’re smart, and you’re courageous.    You know you are the best thing that ever happened to mankind, you exhibit grace and poise, and you are loved and valued!  I wanted to speak words of praise to you (and to myself) because so often we don’t think or speak highly enough of ourselves - and if we can’t do that for ourselves, who will do that for us?  The way we see ourselves is crucial to our self-esteem and to our wellbeing as a whole.  That’s where it all begins when identifying a toxic relationship - how we see ourselves.

                  The picture you have of yourself will determine how men will treat you.  ~Anonymous

                  Your self-portrait determines what you are willing to endure. ~ Mike Murdock

In light of these inspiring and encouraging ideas and my many experiences with women in the mental health industry, I’ve created 10 signs to check for if you think you’re experiencing a toxic relationship.

10 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship:

1. Feeling contracted instead of expanded (Contracted feelings include feeling overly guided, suffocated, small, dependent, and untrusted.  Expanded feelings include feeling free, independent, trusted, lighted up, and fulfilled.)
2. Feeling inadequate all the time around the other person
3. Feeling belittled, being talked down to, or being yelled at out of anger on multiple occasions
4. Constantly making excuses for the other’s misconduct, misbehavior, extra-marital affair or stepping out on the relationship
5. Feeling inauthentic with oneself - can’t get to be your real self or do the things that light you up because it would be an issue for the other person
6. Playing small so the other can feel big
7. Living in fear of what the other person would say or think if you made a decision in your own life - fear of judgment from the other person
8. Overly dependent - can’t do anything on your own without constantly seeking the other’s approval…also never having your own ‘‘me time”
9. Experiencing constant verbal put-downs leading to physical laying on of hands…and accepting that treatment with explanations that seem justifiable in your eyes
10. Letting go of your dreams