Megan Wills

I love baking.  Baking is exact, measured, timed.  Usually there’s just one way to follow a baking recipe.  Cooking? Not so much.  Cooking is different.  There’s a little of this, a little of that - you can add a different spice or substitute a new ingredient.

I like baking because I like structure and precision and knowing that if I take certain steps, I will most likely get a certain result.  Cooking is a little more unpredictable.  The other day, after throwing together a batch of chocolate chip cookies, and popping a casserole in the oven – yes, NYC girls spend time in the kitchen - I realized something.

Relationships are a lot like a cooking recipe.  They don’t all follow the same time frame.  There is not one route that will work for all couples. Some are long-distance; some are your neighbors.  They’re messy, unexpected and complicated.

7.25 TW

So how do you follow the recipe of dating and relationships if you don’t know what to expect?  There are a few steps you can take to ensure the result of your dating venture won’t be a disaster.

1) Check the produce for mold.

Yes, I’m talking about the potential dating partner here. Don’t start dating if the person already shows signs of not sticking around for a while. How can you tell?  For starters, how did you meet this person?  Was it in a bar, or at a friend’s birthday party?  Have you ever interacted with this person outside of the place you met them?  What does this person spend most of their free time doing?  What do they talk about the most?  These are just a few basic questions that will start to help you evaluate their quality.  Not sure?  Ask at least three friends who know you well what they think.  If the person does not exhibit quality behavior, character or speech, they are probably not going to eventually do anything differently in their relationship with you.

2) Be realistic.

Just like you can’t throw something in the oven before it thaws, don’t jump into a dating relationship before you really know the other person.  I’ve heard so many friends tell me after an unfortunate end to a relationship that they just didn’t know the other person felt so strongly about football, or didn’t have the same views on handling money, or any number of other basic getting-to-know-you pieces of information.  Turns out, they also usually didn’t take the time to establish a friendship first.  Sometimes we’re so eager to eat the meal, that we forget we’re allergic to shellfish.

3) Be patient.

Don’t get ahead of yourself.  Remember that some things take longer to perfect than others. And that’s okay.  Just in the same way that some food takes longer to cook than others, some relationships take longer to start, or even progress.  Follow your own timeframe and don’t rush into anything.

4) Don’t expect perfection.

From yourself, or the other person.  Remember that people make mistakes.  Often I get my best cooking recipes from Pinterest.  But it’s not the recipe that intrigues me; it’s the image.  I think we often get trapped into going after something that looks super-appealing, tasty and perfect.  Instead, there should be understanding on both sides that life isn’t perfect, and neither are people.

5) Have fun.

Cooking should be fun. Dating should be fun too.  Add a new spice, try a foreign ingredient, or buy a different sauce.  Just like dating, don’t get away with letting yourself make the same recipe over and over again just because that’s where you’re comfortable.  It doesn’t hurt to try something new

Most importantly, sometimes you add a new ingredient and it ruins the recipe. But sometimes that new ingredient is just what you needed for a recipe that you’ll pass down in the family for generations. 

 

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