Rena Slavin

We’ve made great strides toward gender equality in the last several decades, but there’s certainly more work to be done.  As a result of the ongoing struggle for equal recognition, many women feel the need to overcompensate by constantly reaffirming their financial, professional, and social independence.   Don’t get me wrong – it’s important to be independent!  However, it shouldn’t come at the cost of an unhealthy social outlook.

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There’s no need to push people away; having strong relationships does not make you any less of an independent woman.  I see this all of the time with romantic relationships: many of my female peers at university don’t engage in what could become very rewarding relationships because they want to be 'taken seriously.'  They believe that being in a relationship, in addition to being a woman, will put them at a greater disadvantage, particularly in STEM fields.  I think this is silly – it’s your personal life!  If you’re in the position to form a meaningful connection (and you genuinely want to form it), then don’t think about what other people might say.  And those who do have something negative to say aren’t worth your aggravation.

This isn’t just a college student’s predicament; professional women also feel the need to justify their competence by being overly defensive and standoffish.  A cousin of mine was so fixated on being independent that she declined her boyfriend’s offer to get an apartment together even though she really wanted to do so, because she felt that living separately made her a strong woman.  This might be a totally legitimate course of action for some couples, but it didn’t improve the relationship between my cousin and her boyfriend.  He couldn’t help but take it personally and was genuinely upset.  And she now admits that, two years after that decision, all she really wanted was to be closer to him and to further their relationship.

My point is that there is no need to fight what feels right for you in order to project an aura of independence.  If you really don’t want to move in with your significant other, then don’t – that is your prerogative.  Maybe you still feel really close to your parents; that’s a wonderful thing!  Many people would envy your positive relationship.  But don’t push them away, or not visit them, or keep things from them, or talk about how annoying they are to your friends in order to project an air of independence.  None of those behaviors will make you more of an adult.  You’ll just seem rude and ungrateful for what is, frankly, a beautiful thing – being close with your family.

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Having strong relationships doesn't make you any less of an independent woman.

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We all look up to the ideal of a strong, independent woman.  We all want to stake our place in this world.  But we all should also remember that a true strong, independent woman doesn’t find her strength in lies, façades, and pretenses.  She seeks balance and harmony among the social, personal, professional, physical, and spiritual fields in her life.  She is kind, genuine, and grateful for every favor – requested or not – that someone has ever done for her.  So do yourself a favor: call your parents just to say 'hi,' thank your colleague who helped you out, and know that if you’re happy and true to yourself, then you’re a strong, independent woman after all. 

 

Rena Slavin studies economics and political science, loves learning for learning’s sake, and is always searching for ways to improve.  She's well versed in the fields of motivation, productivity, efficiency, and lifestyle in general.  And of course, her favorite thing to do is to share what she knows with others and to learn from them. Learn more from her on blog RenaSlavin.Blogspot.com

 

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